BEING WOMAN

I was eager to push through the boundaries of the world to enter into it, so excited to explore and experience reality and open my eyes and curl my fingers and cross my toes. Then, it was the arrival day and before I opened my eyes I was expecting happy chatter of wishes and sweets and smiles being exchanged but instead the air had a rotting smell of regret and disappointment on the arrival of a 'girl' child.

I was growing up and it was time for school,  that is I would have teachers to guide me and an institutional body to be recognized with, my first step towards education. I was thrilled and put on my school bag and was trying my new school shoes when suddenly it was a huge question if I even needed education, I was to be married off to a wealthy family, and all the money spent on me would run down the drain. I viewed this as my brother was happily going to school with everyone looking at him with aspirations in their eyes and gazing back at me which they said was gazing into darkness, nothingness.

It was time I could choose what to pursue, I wanted to explore the space, the stars, the planets, I saw myself in a spacesuit packed to take on the world but my father came in and he pushed me to take up home science as that would be the only subject that could push me to become the best, the best in sewing, cooking, dusting, washing and everything that is supposed to circle my mother's life as hers circles around them.

I blew candles off my twentieth birthday cake and a surprise was awaiting me. It came as a shock and end to my freedom, my liberty, my personal space. I was soon wed off to my father's best friend's son. I learned the art of containing my dreams, my aspirations, my needs, my heart and my mind in a tray which had hot piping tea and served it to my husband everyday.

I was soon impregnated to bear a child. Nine months passed by and I gave birth to a baby boy who I nursed and took care because every time I looked around I was expected to drip altruism and care for a mother is expected to be an epitome of boundless love and sacrifices. It all happened while my husband would sleep peacefully and I would indulge in long nights of caressing my dreams and little one to sleep.

My son was growing and so were my thoughts growing rigid on how my life would have been so different, had I been a male in a world that screams patriarchy.

I was old and my son never looked at me with the kind of respect he held for his father. I know he loves me but I wonder why do I fail to be his inspiration?

Are you wondering what my name is and where do I belong? I am sure you already know me, my name is Woman. I am narrating the story of every woman who looks forward to growing and dreaming and blooming and merry making but instead just gives up on everything for the societal expectations that demand sacrifice and finding happiness in her service to the gender of masculinity and strength. Whilst when we all see this occurring everyday, we close our eyes to this brutal reality that if something needs to be smashed, it definitely has to be PATRIARCHY.

I can stand up and I can voice. I can choose and I can attain. I am no less. I am so much more than a wife, daughter, mother, sister. I am not fitting into roles anymore. They shall fit into me. I am huge and vast. I have enormous capabilities. It might be difficult for me to make space but I will and help each and every one in the way. I shall work for empowerment by achieving all that I have aspired for. I shall become independent and firm and what the battle demands, I shall fight back than sit and struggle. What is this called? This is called smashing patriarchy, lifting empowerment, being a woman.